he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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