I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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