Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits

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(404): View more from Georgia

my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.

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(671): View more from Guam

I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same

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(541): View more from Oregon

Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.

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