dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
