Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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