He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
