he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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