The best revenge is premature balding
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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