I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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