We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
