and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
