i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
