He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize