Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
