She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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