So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
