hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
