ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
