I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
