Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
