yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you would pick up someone in the library
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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