I just made out with a guy for $7.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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