u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
