Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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