I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
