worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
