fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
