My room smells like vodka and shame
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
