In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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