guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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