I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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