just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
