God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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