He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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