Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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