please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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