i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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