Small penises have feelings too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
