When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
