she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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