She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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