you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
