Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
