i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
