i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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