Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize