Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
