I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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