How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
