i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
