I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
