Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i drank out of a bidet.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
