Farmville is her only friend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
