I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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