I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
