oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
