So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
