Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
