Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
