Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
