things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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