as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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