Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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