Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
