So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
