belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
