Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
