Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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