the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize