It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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