Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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