I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
