there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
