the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
