he told me I talked like a deaf person
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize