wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
