I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
