Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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