yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
