no, he came in my armpit
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
