I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
