So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
