I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize